Now we have the answer and here it is. Oh, and if you want to know how many lawyers it takes to change a light bulb, look below the e-mail between all the lawyers. They are the ones with "Esq." behind their names. (I wish I knew about all those guys when I wrote The Whistleblower. It could have been another chapter!)
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being atthe option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction,this point being non-negotiable.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state,local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
4 comments:
Geez, this is funny! Apparently you are a very hard "nut" to crack and it takes a lot of "manpower" ;)
The "legal document" on the "lightbulb issue" made me laugh even harder.
I have typed, in the past, a number of similar documents, in the "olden days" on paper with seals and you could not make one error. Those were the "good" old days. Now things are so much easier. Things, but no easy to understand and unraffle "language". At least NOT for lawyers. Of course not. You can write more "time" for long documents, and "time is money"!! - in the bank ;).
I guess an image, or two, or three, or whatever, says more than 1000s of words. All those lawyers against one employee . . . amazing.
Peter...you really should send this to 'Ripley's Believe It Or Not'. It may just be a RECORD. Even if not, they'd get a laugh out of it.
how many lawyers does it take to ... is a silly question if you are talking about pfizer lawyers. even for unsure outcomes - nobody will be able to count them. on the other hand, there are so many people looking for work, and pfizer has a responsibility, you know.
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