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Peter Rost, M.D., is a former Pfizer Marketing Vice President providing services as a medical device and drug expert witness and pharmaceutical marketing expert. Judge Sanders: "The court agrees with defendants' view that Dr. Rost is a very adept and seasoned expert witness." He is also the author of Emergency Surgery, The Whistleblower and Killer Drug. You can reach him on rostpeter (insert symbol) Please read the terms of use agreement and privacy policy for this blog carefully.

Love and Lust

I recently discovered a blog called The Grumpy Old Man.

I have to admit I loved the title. After all, he says it like it is. Can't beat that. And this old man is thinking back on life. Sometimes that is quite interesting to listen to.

I know, I know, why would a grumpy old man have anything to tell you?


Some people actually learn and gain wisdom. Doesn't happen often, but some people do.

So here's what this grumpy old man, who writes far too rarely in his blog, wrote about love and lust. I added the images, just to lighten up things. So we don't forget what he is writing about. And I'm not saying I agree, I feel far too superficial this week to get that down and heavy and to actually start to think about things like love and lust.

But this, I just found it interesting to read:

Love and Lust

When I was younger I believed in love at first sight like many other people do. You see someone, they see you and there is that instant chemistry you both feel. You start a relationship and you may even get married but invariably this “chemistry” wears off, usually in a year or 2, and all you have left is love, or nothing if there never was love in the relationship.

In these later years of my life I have come to the realization that there is no such thing as “love at first sight” and it’s actually LUST at first sight we are speaking of. There is nothing wrong with lust. I believe it’s a necessary part of a good, strong relationship. But lust alone can’t carry a relationship. Love alone can’t usually carry a relationship either but it has a better chance.

Let’s talk about the difference between love and lust.

Lust is primarily physical and controlled by our hormones and genes. We have no control at all over this. We cannot choose what or who we are attracted to. We don’t choose to like brown eyes, we just do. We don’t choose the color of hair we prefer or what other physical features we prefer. We are drawn to what we are drawn to and that’s just the way it is.

Love is much deeper and more difficult to define. I like to think of it as being more at the soul level than at the exterior like lust is. Love takes time to develop. I would say 6 months at the least. Love is cultivated and it’s based on you and your partner’s emotions, personality and your ability to function together as a team. When you have developed love with someone it never goes away, even if you break up. Love is stronger than lust at a deep level and literally lasts forever. If it doesn’t it wasn’t love in the first place.

Love is always 2 way. You can’t love someone that doesn’t love you. It just doesn’t work that way. There is no such thing as unrequited love! It’s unrequited LUST.

Lust can come and go. You can be with someone for a while then they start to drive you crazy so you split up. Then months or years later you are drawn back to them and it’s all wonderful again……. for a while and then they start to drive you crazy again. A classic lust not love situation.

Lust is very powerful. MUCH more powerful than love. Lust can make you do really stupid things, repeatedly. Lust tends to cause you to overlook things in the other person that would be flashing red signs in any other circumstance. The power of lust is short lived however. It usually doesn’t last much longer than 6 months to a year. But while lust is stronger than love, love has the staying power.

Understand that I am not condemning lust. I believe it is necessary. Very few people would ever get together so there could even be the chance of love if it wasn’t for lust. Nature did a really good job there. Without lust mankind might not even exist today. We wouldn’t have reproduced fast enough to evolve and survive this harsh world. We just need to make the distinction between the two and understand that lust is not love nor is love lust.

It’s a crying shame that our society is so backward and prudish that parents can’t have open and honest discussions with their children about lust. We are raised with the belief that all attraction is either love or “infatuation”. The word “Infatuation” (or “puppy love” as it is also called) trivializes the strong feelings we have so we defensively call the feeling love and proclaim it is the “real thing” since no feelings THIS strong could be anything BUT love. Time, however, usually proves us wrong and we are left wondering what it was all about and if that wasn’t love what IS love and so on.

If people were taught about lust and what it is and what it isn’t and that it was a perfectly normal part of our lives the world would be a much more pleasant place to live in.

To make things even more complicated we have “chemistry”. The term chemistry when applied to a relationship is not solely lust. Lust is the major part but it also includes your personalities. The things you both like or dislike. Your backgrounds. Your sense of humor and such. But the same rule applies. Chemistry is not love and love is not chemistry. Having both is the perfect relationship in my mind but is also the hardest situation to achieve since lust seems to blind us to most of the important things about a relationship and love during the early stages of these relationships when it would seem it’s most important.

When the lust wanes and the chemistry starts to slip many, if not most people just move on rather than seeing if there is love there too. I am as guilty of this as anyone. Maybe if everyone acknowledged lust as a powerful and legitimate emotional force that has little to do with love we could all have better relationships and happier lives.


Blogger shooter45 said...

Peter, Peter, Peter,.........It's time to take a walk out to the "woodshed" again, my friend. Or in your case I might say down to the "fjord."
Either way it's time for a "wuppin!" Let's see, in the last few days you've written what?, 2-3 hundred posts? And predictably you've gotten back what?, 2-3 comments? You see Peter, ( by the way, I'd like to see your "credentials," "Doctor...."Senior V.P." hmmm) most people frequent a blog site for several reasons: some because the author has interesting things to say and we just want to read them, kind of like op-ed writers in the newspapers. No commenting, no give & take, no discussion. Others. like HuffPo are the exact opposite. Lots of commenting, primarily why people flock there. Unfortunately the author of that Blog is an unprincipled manipulative whore, which is precisely why most of us flocked to you....The Anti-Huff. We accepted you as a "real" person. Lord knows, we don't expect you to be perfect ( well, MooGirl might temporarily, but that was explained in tonight's post on "lust') but we don't like being played with. We understand tou have to take your time, "find yourself," take polls, ask for input, give us interesting stuff about yourself,........all that is fine. But you know what they say, there comes a time to decide, " fish or cut bait?" The current spate of rat-a-tat posts might relieve your overactive mind of an abundance of mental missives, but where does that leave us? Who wants to comment? It's like that saying about a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it. I mean, how many masterpieces do I have to write, only to hit the "send" button, take a look, and find out you've posted 32 more threads? I realize these are heady times for you,....... the Pfizer rise and fall, the Huffpo rise and fall, lawsuits up the ying yang, your new blog, Hollywood calling, Pharma Folks popping up all over, your wife saying "Peter get a f*****g job already."........Take a cue from Karl Rove's Bible, "know your base." If your readership is up due to the different things going on, wonderful! They may just like reading your daily diary of events and not necessarily make comments. But for those who felt a community was building and wanted to participate, fugg-eta-bout-it! It's one or the other I'm afraid, my friend. You said your post about the daily goings on in your life regarding pharma brought in a slew of readers, o.k. Then you commented that when you get involved in discussions, things perked up and participation flourished. So there it is. I think it's one or the other. It's your decision "Soloman."

Now I gotta go and try to find Moo so I can tell her how much I lust her.

Blogger Peter Rost said...

You're nailing it Shooter! Been thinking about this.

But that is a tricky one. I have twice as many readers as I had a month ago, so something is working, but not sure "which" thing. Drugs? Pfizer? Legal stuff? Personal things? Images? Musings?

So help me out here, be straight. What, exactly, are you asking for?

Blogger Erik said...

Two thoughts - the first is regarding what I like here...and generally, it is YOUR thoughts, not the recycled posts of others. I tend to just ignore posts that are copied and pasted from other blogs.

The second thought, however, is that THIS copy and paste happened to fall within my personal interest realm...that of relationships and sexuality (armchair psychologist in action). This was an interesting and generally well thought-out post regarding love, but it is very important to note that what "love" and "lust" is to one person may be very different for another. For instance, to say that love must always be 2-way is quite short-sighted and shows that the writer has had a pretty tame life when it comes to love and lust. Furthermore, to break relationships down to only two ideas is extremely limiting...again pointing to a very limited experience (though admittedly normal for a white, middle class, U.S., heterosexual) in life and love.

My point is simple - if you must look to others to define relationships, then so be it - I honestly hope it makes you feel better about your world. However, don't feel that you are particularly unusual if this model doesn't fit you...there are more relationship models out there than most people can possibly imagine and very few can be broken down to just "love" and "lust."

Anonymous Anonymous said...


Blogger Peter Rost said...

Thanks Erik, that was very helpful.

Anonymous Rosethejet said...

Gee I am not going to be helpful. I don't always leave a comment but I do read everything, and to date I've enjoyed everything I've read.

So I guess I'm not real helpful as far as telling what to do.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I think.

Blogger shooter45 said...

O.k. Doctor, ( we're back to titles now. It was late last night and I felt a little giddy, what with all that talk about lust and all ) By the way, speaking of titles, my title during my reign in the Corporate World was "General Manager and Director of Dealer Development." Also, "Advisor and Assisstant to the President." (That also explains why everyone just called me "shooter") If they need to know your title, you're nobody. So one day I went to the President and said, "Hey! all my counterparts are at least Vice-Presidents. Why can't I add that title to my name? Smart Yiddish boss that he was, he said, "meet me for lunch and I'll have a deal for you." O.K ! I figured, shamed him into that one, heh heh. So at lunch, with his glasses down on his nose perusing the menu, he hands me a sheet of paper. On the paper was a list of titles, starting with Executive Vice-President all the way down to forklift operator. Next to each title was a dollar amount. Next to Executive V.P. was $50,000, then $40,000 and so on all the way down to the bottom, $0, next to my then current title. Perplexed, I asked, "what the hell is this?" He said, (unfortunately with a mouthful of calimari, kosher, of course) that he'd been reading a book about European Royalty. He discovered that whenever the Royal Ruling Classes needed money, to conduct wars and such, they would sell titles to the wealthy business people. So much for "Duke," another for "Earl," and so on. Therefore, if I wanted the title of "Executive Vice President" problemo. It's mine! Of course, along with the title would come a $50,000 reduction in pay. Mouth open, I said "You've GOT to be kidding!" Chomping his antipasta, yes, with a leaf sticking out his mouth, he said, "Kid," (that was his title for me,) "If you couldn't sell the crap out of everybody else I've got you'd be back at the corner of 176th. and Jerome, along with the other hip hoppers swinging your squeegee. Now try the lamb, it's perfect today." So much for titles.

Now down to serious business. You must get a new, different web/blog structure. Right now, it is vertical, which is fine, if you only want to post your own thoughts with minimal input from your readers. But you can have both, vertical and horizontal, as others have done, so that readers have more choices. You don't know, of the numerous "hits" to your site, how many are lurkers just reading your posts or reading the comments. Or how many want to participate.A different structure would give everybody what they want. I'm sure there are zillions of young web designers who would drool at the idea of adding the famous, or infamous "Doctor Peter Rost" to their resume. Make'm a deal. No charge at first, then as the site grows to gargantuous mega-hit size, factor in a fee schedule. C'mon Doc, it's not that hard. Stop twirling like a dirvish and put out a classified ad, "Wanted, Web Designer. Get In On The Ground Floor With Doctor Peter Rost, Former Pfizer Vice President, Whistle Blower, Former HuffPo Contributor-Fired!, Former Vagabond, Model, and Bon Vivant..................currently unemployed." Let's go! Get with the program already! Listen to me, Elvis, I'm Col. Tom Parker. Let's make you a STAR!

Now, go find me Moo, but if she's gone forever, what's your wife doing this afternoon?

Blogger Moogirl said...

I am SO orry I missed this post! Been out of town for a week. Apparently I should have boarded Shooter with the kennel before I left! Sorry 'bout that Doc!


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