The MONITORING Guy

Sometimes I wonder if would even write all these posts if I didn't have all the spies monitoring my every move. I mean, it kind of gives you meaning in life; it means that you are important, if people monitor you.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not talking regular readers. Of course, they can also give life meaning, especially the good looking ones. No, I'm talking about people who monitor you for a living and a fee. In fact, I think everyone should have someone monitoring them. Just to make them feel important. Because monitoring means that "they" care. About you. Maybe not in a good way, but if you can't be loved, to be feared or loathed or to be anything makes you alive. Right?

So it is time to unveil and publicly reveal THE MONITORING GUY.

That is the guy, hired by Pfizer, who has kept coming here day in and day out; Saturday, Sunday, and middle of the night, if he has to. Here is what he looks like.



I think we'll call him Joe, although his name is Joseph. He is not like my regular readers. Because he charges Pfizer an estimated $440 per hour to read my blog.

I know what you think. If you would get about $400 to read my blog, you'd come here a lot more often.

But you can apply for this cushy job! Feel free to contact Security Boss and former FBI agent, John Theriault, at Pfizer. His last known e-mail was john.theriault@pfizer.com, but they may have scrambled that and made it theriaultj@pfizer.com or johnnyboy@pfizer.com. Or maybe his email is now johnnyseesall@pfizer.com.

We don't know what else Joe (and Johnnyboy) reads or what other information they have gathered about me. But we do know that Joe (we won't mention his last name, because maybe he hasn't told his mummy what he does for a living) serves as a kind of "early warning system" for his colleagues. When I write something they all want to see, he sounds the alarm.

So what do we know about Joe? Well, we know he isn't very politically active, unlike many of his colleagues. We also know that he likes Big Tobacco. Or maybe I should say they like him. He is a staunch defender of Big Tobacco's right to kill as many Americans as they can get their hands on. And he is also loved by Big Pharma.

Funny coincidence, I thought.

But he is a multifaceted guy; he also cares about poor people. I guess he just doesn't mind if they kill themselves smoking cigarettes.

Oh well.

The important thing is that Joe cares about me. That makes me fulfilled. And we care about him. So much that we know that he is 41 years old, and lives in Washington D.C. and that he is an East Coast man.

Oh, one more thing. Unlike the spies at HP, Joe has not been indicted. In fact, we are not aware of any illegal activity by Joe.

Yet.

And that's all for today folks!