Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The MONITORING Guy

Sometimes I wonder if would even write all these posts if I didn't have all the spies monitoring my every move. I mean, it kind of gives you meaning in life; it means that you are important, if people monitor you.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not talking regular readers. Of course, they can also give life meaning, especially the good looking ones. No, I'm talking about people who monitor you for a living and a fee. In fact, I think everyone should have someone monitoring them. Just to make them feel important. Because monitoring means that "they" care. About you. Maybe not in a good way, but if you can't be loved, to be feared or loathed or to be anything makes you alive. Right?

So it is time to unveil and publicly reveal THE MONITORING GUY.

That is the guy, hired by Pfizer, who has kept coming here day in and day out; Saturday, Sunday, and middle of the night, if he has to. Here is what he looks like.

monitoring

I think we'll call him Joe, although his name is Joseph. He is not like my regular readers. Because he charges Pfizer an estimated $440 per hour to read my blog.

I know what you think. If you would get about $400 to read my blog, you'd come here a lot more often.

But you can apply for this cushy job! Feel free to contact Security Boss and former FBI agent, John Theriault, at Pfizer. His last known e-mail was john.theriault@pfizer.com, but they may have scrambled that and made it theriaultj@pfizer.com or johnnyboy@pfizer.com. Or maybe his email is now johnnyseesall@pfizer.com.

We don't know what else Joe (and Johnnyboy) reads or what other information they have gathered about me. But we do know that Joe (we won't mention his last name, because maybe he hasn't told his mummy what he does for a living) serves as a kind of "early warning system" for his colleagues. When I write something they all want to see, he sounds the alarm.

So what do we know about Joe? Well, we know he isn't very politically active, unlike many of his colleagues. We also know that he likes Big Tobacco. Or maybe I should say they like him. He is a staunch defender of Big Tobacco's right to kill as many Americans as they can get their hands on. And he is also loved by Big Pharma.

Funny coincidence, I thought.

But he is a multifaceted guy; he also cares about poor people. I guess he just doesn't mind if they kill themselves smoking cigarettes.

Oh well.

The important thing is that Joe cares about me. That makes me fulfilled. And we care about him. So much that we know that he is 41 years old, and lives in Washington D.C. and that he is an East Coast man.

Oh, one more thing. Unlike the spies at HP, Joe has not been indicted. In fact, we are not aware of any illegal activity by Joe.

Yet.

And that's all for today folks!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Do shareholders know that Pfizer is spending $440 per hour to monitor a fired employee's (free-speech) BLOG? Well, they'll know now. This is ridiculous and wasteful. Doesn’t Pfizer have a pipeline to stuff with innovation?

Anonymous said...

Don't they pay enough to the 400 inhouse lawyers?
They must not want this information leaked into the
toxic stream of Pfizer gossip running through HQ. They
cannot trust their own inhouse lawyers to keep it quiet. It's
hard to survive on top of that mountain. The air up there is pretty thin .

Anonymous said...

The strangest thing of all is that Pfzier allows all this to go on, year after year. They could have bought the doc out, given him a job, done whatever. But they dont. They just keep going. It is very clear that lawyers are running the show and not markting or the press office, because if they did, this would have been over a long time ago. Soon the doc will have made a movie, a hit single and have his own TV show. And Pfizer just dont get it!

Mike Driehorst said...

Heck, I'll offer to read your blog and even stalk ya a bit, Dr. Rost, for a measly $300/hr. Maybe even $250/hr. (plus travel expenses, of course).

Anyone at Pfizer wanna take me up on the offer?
Mike

Anonymous said...

Crisis Manual 101? Does this not look like a Dissident Manual 101, from the old CCCR (SSSR as known in USA) where they locked up all the dissidents of interest into mental institutions,"diagnosed" them as crazy and treated them with psichotropic drugs,some most likely produced by Pfizer or their sister companies. They knew what was going on in their "customers'" institutions and perhaps made notes for future use. Nothing would stop the Big pharma to sell their drugs.
Xsrpofn is familiar with such manual in another Big pharma, called article 11.

Mark Brown said...

I Like Xsrpofin's Spin. Your ex-bosses hired ex CCCP (now white russian mafia) hitmen to monitor you becuause you're so dangerous...

Come and spin something about the scandals in Washington Now..

Hee hee

Peter Rost said...

Actually, you both start sounding like my book!

Page 48 "The situation started to remind me of dissidents in the former Soviet Union, who were hauled off by men in white coats to mental institutions . . . To my horror I realized that the company I had respected and served for several years apparently had a similar philosphy."

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me? Dr. Rost: Be careful with these guys, next thing you will find out you were indicted on some FDA issue and spending the millions and millions of dollars in legal fees to get off...just ain't worth it. Trust me... I have personal experience!

These Pfizer guys are ABSOLUTE BASTARDS!