The Lost Documents
Sometimes I like to promote other blogs, and books I haven't written, just out of the goodness of my heart. Of course, I also remember I promised Pfizer I wouldn't write anything this weekend. That turned out to be not entirely true, but I didn't know that when I made that assertion.
And now I did, (write a few posts), so now they'll have to come back every day, including weekends, since they never know when I'm going to write something. I feel bad for the poor slob who has to keep reading all my stuff. So bad, in fact, that I think I'll introduce you to him. Maybe tomorrow.
But right now I'll simply introduce you to the Dilbert Blog. I love those Dilbert cartoons and books, read each and every one, and if you haven't visisted his blog you have missed something. Like what corporate life is really about. Not that he needs me promoting his blog, it is one of the biggest and most widely read in the Universe. Here's a recent post:
Your Ancestors Disgust Me
It has come to my attention that many of your ancestors were pedophiles. They probably didn’t know it, since marrying 15-year old girls was considered “normal” by those perverts. And I’m sure they had excuses such as the fact that the life expectancy was 17. So maybe they rationalized it by saying they had to start pinching out new farm hands before the plague got them. Blah, blah, blah. But that’s no excuse for being a pedophile.
I also have it on good authority that your ancestors from several thousand years ago rarely washed their hands with soap after pooping in the desert, or forest, or igloo, whatever. You come from a long line of unhygienic child molesters.
If you follow your repulsive blood line far enough back, you will find that your ancestors were atheists at best, but more likely worshippers of phalluses.
That’s right: You are the genetic fruit of unhygienic, penis-worshipping, child molesters.
And they couldn’t read – those illiterate, unhygienic, penis-worshipping, child molesters.
Keep going back in time and there’s a virtual guarantee that somewhere a cousin married a cousin, or a brother married a sister. Statistically speaking, you’re probably an inbred spawn of illiterate, unhygienic, penis-worshipping child molesters.
It makes you wonder what dumb-ass things we’re doing now that our descendants will find humorously repulsive. I think they’ll get a kick out of the fact that about a billion people thought God carved ten commandments on stone tablets and somehow the tablets got misplaced. I’d like to know how that conversation went between Moses and Mrs. Moses.
Moses: “Honey, have you seen my stone tablets from God?”
Mrs. Moses: “They didn’t match the carpets so I threw them out.”
Moses: “WHAT??? THOSE CAME DIRECTLY FROM GOD!!!!”
Mrs. Moses: “Sure they did, you daffy bastard.”
I kind of think, irrespective of your religion, that "The Dilbert Blog" poses a relevant question. It would have been cool to walk into Jerusalem, or the Vatican, or the Museum of Modern Art or wherever, and see those stone tablets, handed down from God. No disrespect intended.
Same thing goes for Mormons. Their holy metal plates with Mormon's book also disappeared mysteriously, and we have to take the word of a number of elders that they actually saw them before they disappeared, too. Amazing how the most holy words always go up in smoke. And they only had a hundred years or so to lose them. Not three thousand years . . .
It's a bit tiring with all the various people, who claim they have the word of God, but they always lose the documents . . . And they have so different opinions of what the word of God is.
But of course, they lost the documents . . . so we have to simply trust them. I think God is looking at all of this and all of us and laughing his head off. At least I hope he's laughing. After all, he must have a lot of humor, considering that he made us and what humans are like. No one with a serious mind set could ever have conceived of something so pathetic as the human race.
It simply must have been partly for fun he made us. To laugh his head off as he watched us run around like mice in a box, squabbling with each other. Right?