Condoms: Victims of airline security

A woman who intended to bring three condoms aboard an airline was arrested.

The problem?

Those condoms weren’t empty. They were filled with a white substance.

Initial testing indicated that they were “filled with drugs.” But in a scary example of just how totally incompetent our law enforcement agencies are, it was determined three weeks later that the substance was not drugs—but flour. The stuff you bake with. Of course, during those three weeks the woman had been in jail. No one believed she put flour in the condoms.

So the warning is now out there: Grannies, leave your baking flour off the airplanes, or else you may be carted off to jail. And women, don’t bring condoms filled with anything onto an airplane.

Imagine if the young woman had filled those condoms with red meat? That might have caused a transcontinental manhunt for three men missing their male organs.

Like any red-blooded American who has been falsely accused and spent three weeks in jail, the woman sued the city of Philadelphia, and the suit was just settled for $180,000.

And just like any big corporate defendant, the city admitted no wrongdoing or liability for their part in jailing a woman for three weeks, because she was carrying flour in her carry-on bag.

Finally, the most important question: Why would anyone fill condoms with flour?

Simple: The woman explained that she and other students used to squeeze the flour-filled condoms to relieve exam stress.

Of course, "squeeze," is a pretty ambigious word.