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Peter Rost, M.D., is a former Pfizer Marketing Vice President providing services as a medical device and drug expert witness and pharmaceutical marketing expert. Judge Sanders: "The court agrees with defendants' view that Dr. Rost is a very adept and seasoned expert witness." He is also the author of Emergency Surgery, The Whistleblower and Killer Drug. You can reach him on rostpeter (insert symbol) Please read the terms of use agreement and privacy policy for this blog carefully.

My Cheating Friend - 2

A few days ago I wrote a blog about “my cheating friend.” She’s a woman who’s been married for ten years and suddenly had her first affair. Only she discovered what she’s been missing and now she wants to meet the new man again.

Last night she called me. She told me that she’d seen my blog and read the comments. Then she broke the news. “And my husband saw what you wrote, as well.”

She paused.

“Are you OK?” I asked.

“Well, I know that I agreed that you could write about some of what I told you, if you changed the details, so no one would know who I am. And I thought it might be interesting to read what people said . . .”

“Was there a problem?”

“You could say that,” she continued. “My husband told me over dinner that he’d seen your blog and I almost suffocated on the food in my mouth.”

“Oh no. . . what happened?”

“I pretended that I suffocated on my food, which I did. He doesn’t suspect anything. He just said he was happy that the story wasn’t about us.”

I have to admit that I felt pretty uncomfortable at this point. So I tried to tell her that she couldn’t go on like this and she couldn’t live a lie. She agreed and said that she felt very guilty, really terrible.

But then she stated, “It doesn’t matter. I have to see that man at least one more time. It’s not just the sex. When I’m with him he makes me feel so special. He validates my feelings, and he cares and is so tender. I feel this deep connection that I haven’t felt in years. We have so much in common. If you hadn’t experienced this you wouldn’t understand.”

I asked her what would happen now.

She told me that she’d set up a second rendezvous with the young gentleman she couldn’t stay away from. There’s a medical conference in Santa Barbara this weekend, and she is going away for two nights without her husband and she plans on meeting her lover there.

“Aren’t you the least dissuaded by the comments you read on my blog on Huffington Post?” I asked.

“Those people are right. I should run. But I just can’t. Don’t you see; I may only experience something like this once in my lifetime.”

I’m not sure if she believed that herself. I could tell that her brain told her one thing and her heart simply didn’t care. She was hoping for the impossible. I asked her to call me after the weekend, when she returned from her trip and her meeting with her new lover, if she wanted to talk.

I knew one thing, whatever she felt it was more addictive than crack cocaine.


Blogger Two Knaves said...

I would imagine your friend's husband now knows who the stories are about.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did your friend give you permission to blog about the dinner conversation and the conference in Santa Barbara? If her husband read your HuffPo blog he is most likely reading this.

I understand your purpose in passing this story along to others but it almost feels as though you are trying to expose your friend. And while that might be beneficial for the husband, it doesn't seem like the proper course.

Couldn't you achieve the same thing for your audience if you changed the facts of the story so that she can remain anonymous?

Blogger Karen McL said...

But more to the point - is the dual life your friend is now participating in.

What ever a couple chooses as *their life* and *their tolerances* to aspects of that shared between them.

But this sounds so much a disconnect between the shared life and single (solo) decisions this person is making - which I am never in favor of for the lack of fairness and deceit that can only end in hurtful episodes all around.

What's your *place* in all of this? Counselor, voyeur, friend, co-conspirator?

Blogger Moogirl said...

I think your friend must want to get caught. Now when the husband reads:

“And my husband saw what you wrote, as well.”

“My husband told me over dinner that he’d seen your blog and I almost suffocated on the food in my mouth.”

“I pretended that I suffocated on my food, which I did. He doesn’t suspect anything. He just said he was happy that the story wasn’t about us.”


“I pretended that I suffocated on my food, which I did. He doesn’t suspect anything. He just said he was happy that the story wasn’t about us.”

will there be any doubt left that this story is indeed about him?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr. Rost, I think you should write a post about where you stand on questions of morality. It seems to be a theme in your recent life--you were a "whistle-blower" against Big Pharma, and now (whether you see it this way or not), you are either consciously or unconsciously blowing the whistle on your friend. What's your motivation here? And, do the two situations have any connection for you? I'm curious.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey readers: Let's not assume he hasn't changed some of the details in this--and the original post. Perhaps this second post is meant to throw hubby off the case.

What if, for instance, the woman in question doesn't really work in the medical field at all? The nervous husband will be relieved to read here that cheating wifey is meeting her lover at a "medical conference". See how this works?

Dr. Rost is no dummy, I'm sure...

Blogger Two Knaves said...

Or it's total BS. Either way, he doesn't seem to want add any more detail...

Anonymous A Reader said...

Wouldn't matter if he changed some details. By virtue of his name, Peter Rost, a friend/acquaintance could probably make the connection based on a hunch.

An affair ain't the end of a marriage. Monogomy is not a natural human trait, just like other species. In 2006, people still confuse love and sex, which is a big reason for the divorce rate being so high. It'd be foolish to assume one person can fill another's complete needs. But people want to play dumb when they start relationships. I'm betting this is a trait particular to the US and its' morality position, which really inhibits honest communication between people sometimes.

Trust on the other, was assumed when she told the good doctor, considering the matter discussed (assuming it was real and not a story to make a point). And I would say that was violated.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

What the f--k! I had this conversation with my wife!!!!!!!!! But she isn't a doctor, she's an accountant. And she just left for a conference on federal accounting regulations. I'm so much going to surprise her over the weekend. Don't you bastards laugh too long about this.

Anonymous A Reader said...

Dr Rost, if you want to write a good post on life insurance, why not write one on how AIG has acquired other companies paid up policies through mergers and acquisitions, and have now started charging those policyholders a monthly premium.

People who haven't had a premium payment on their policies for over 20 years, are now faced with the loss of that policy if they don't pay a monthly premium.

This is what happens when the insurance companies have too much influence.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Marriage isn't a solution for two conflicting basic human conditions, sexual desire and a sense of loyalty. It causes a lot of problems. Sex is a natural event confined by unnatural circumstances. There's not enough honesty in relationships, and there's too much take. Some people feel they have to take sex when they can get it. More honesty, and more give is the path to a successful relationship. Do that and you get back with interest.

Blogger shanerae said...

Okay...I am encouraged by the comments above with respect to the UNnatural state of marraige and monogamy. I must admit, even being a female myself, I never did get this notion- especially given the short shrift passion is given to relationships in this world- and not just the couple relationship. We tend to live without passion in all areas of life and just accept that because most of those around us do the same, we think its "normal" and an okay compromise.
I think Dr. Rost's friend is awakening to this.
Also...its quite possible that what passed for love when she married her husband may have had some degree of settling. Alot of people do this. Its the biggest unspoken yearning out there I think. Get most people drunk and they don't talk about the one they are with...they talk about the one that got away....
Its not a case of grass is greener either, its a real condition in this world.
I think Dr Rost should support his friend and let her experience this passion without judgement. Monogamy is NOT all its cracked up to be. There are just quite simply pieces of us that can't always be touched or explored by just one person (I don't always mean that sexually, y'all) and its a real shame if she keeps that buried for fear of what "the rules" are.


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