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Peter Rost, M.D., is a former Pfizer Marketing Vice President providing services as a medical device and drug expert witness and pharmaceutical marketing expert. Judge Sanders: "The court agrees with defendants' view that Dr. Rost is a very adept and seasoned expert witness." He is also the author of Emergency Surgery, The Whistleblower and Killer Drug. You can reach him on rostpeter (insert symbol) Please read the terms of use agreement and privacy policy for this blog carefully.

How to Sing the Blues

I believe copying is the best form of flattery. My favorite blog is PharmaGossip, I read it every day. And today PharmaGossip had something different, about blues.

The original web page is here. And here you can enjoy the music!


1) Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

2) "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line like,

"I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3) The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.

Then find something that rhymes . .. . sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4) The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch-ain't no way out.

5) Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6) Teenagers can't sing the Blues. (Well, except maybe Johnny Lang) Adults sing the Blues. In Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7) Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anyplace in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any places that don’t get rain.

8) A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9) You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10) Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; b) Jailhouse; c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the Blues: a) Dillard's; b) Gallery openings; c) Ivy League institutions; d) Golf courses.

11) No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12) Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if a) You older than dirt; b) You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can't be satisfied.

No, if a) You have all your teeth; b) You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund.

13) Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14) If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues.

Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; b) Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee.

The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; b) Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast.

15) If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.

Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16) Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling

17) Some Blues names for men a) Joe; b) Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie

18) Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19) Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:

a) Name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.);

b) First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.);

c) Last name of President (Jefferson,Johnson, Fillmore, etc.);

d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20) I don’t care how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you can’t sing the blues.


Blogger Karen McL said...

"I had the blues, so bad one time it put my face in a permanent frown
You know I'm feeling so much better, I could cakewalk
into town
Honey, I woke up this mornin' feelin' so good, you know I laid back down again
Throw your big leg over me mama, I might not feel this good again
My baby, my baby, I do love the way she walks
And when my woman gets sleepy, I love the way she baby-talks
My work is getting scarce, oh baby, my work it done got hard,
I spend my whole day stealin' chickens Honey from the rich folks yard
I would love to take a picnic in the country and stay all day
I wouldn't do nothing but while my blues away
I had the blues so bad one time it put my face in a permanent frown
You know I'm feelin' so much better I could cakewalk into town."

-- Taj Mahal

Blogger Rev. Joker Cross, KSC said...

I will refute your claim of Minneapolis being a non-blues city by pointing to the works of Tom Waits.

Blogger Karen McL said...

Yep I vote for Tom Waits too.

Nutting but the best in Blues for this blog!

Blogger insider said...

Hi Peter,
Thanks for the hat tip.

Remember Picasso's quote:

"Bad artists copy. Great artists steal."



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow - sexist AND racist!:
'got teeth like margaret thatcher, weigh 500 pound'
'last name of president (Jefferson...'), etc.

Blogger Karen McL said...

Hmm..."sexist AND racist"

But, HEY, I didn't write this song...I just sing the Blues as they Come.


But I like the definition of a *cakewalk* as a prize for a dance - "for the most accomplished steps and figures in walking. Also, a stage dance developed from walking steps and figures typically involving a high prance with backward tilt."

(And I didn't make that up neither.)

Anonymous JulieG said...

One of the funniest things I've read. Thanks for the laugh, Peter!


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