PETER ROST: PHARMA MARKETING EXPERT WITNESS. AWP, MEDICAL DEVICE EXPERT.: Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update
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PETER ROST: PHARMA MARKETING EXPERT WITNESS. AWP, MEDICAL DEVICE EXPERT.

Peter Rost, M.D., is a former Pfizer Marketing Vice President providing services as a medical device and drug expert witness and pharmaceutical marketing expert. Judge Sanders: "The court agrees with defendants' view that Dr. Rost is a very adept and seasoned expert witness." He is also the author of Emergency Surgery, The Whistleblower and Killer Drug. You can reach him on rostpeter (insert symbol) hotmail.com. Please read the terms of use agreement and privacy policy for this blog carefully.

Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update

You may think you've heard this one before, but it has been updated with very important new lessons . . .


SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by

your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated

general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island

Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven

cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,

with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,

leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then

buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty

times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

1 Comments:

Anonymous hypocrisy rules said...

Wall Street CowXchange:
You don't have any cows.
You advertise you have the best of the best best Cow pasture that produces incredible milk returns and offer to take other people's cows.
You take the Cows from the biggest and riches cow owners in huge numbers.
You give milk in huge returns to those who gave you their cows early from cows that come in later.
You keep doing this during the years of greed is Good and everything and is working for a while, but the influx of new cows overwhelms the production of milk available from earlier cows so you can not keep up with milk returns you promised everyone.
The cows are drained of milk and all the cowgivers are now worried for the milk is not coming in as fast and as big as you promised.
You get turned in by your own family, most likely you took their cows too, and the cops come in and arest you.
50.000.000.000 cows are missing and you tell the cops that your cow pasture was in fact sourmilk production called Ponzmilk scheme.
The Cowgivers are left hoding the worthless cowcakes as you get charged with cowbezzlement.
The Wall Street pasture is "surprised" with this scheme and many are sorry they did not come up with the same or similar, scheme. Maybe Pig though returns??
Shame, maybe next time.

12/15/2008  

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